your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
