We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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