This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
