You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
