Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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