i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
