Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
