Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
