sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
