Buhtt sex?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
