it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
