I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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