Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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