...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
