I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
