I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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