Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
