Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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