Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if only i could text you this smell
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize