I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
