I will die if light touches me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
