I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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