YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
id be glad to
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
