Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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