God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.