I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.