I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.