Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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