So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
