Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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