His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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