Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
