So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
