What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
