we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
