Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pants are for mortals
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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