i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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