Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
