How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
