Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
