Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I still have a little drunk in my system
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
