Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Girls should come with a carfax report
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
