My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
