dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived