please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.