I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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