"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize