well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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