A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
