I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
