good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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