I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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