it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
