fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize