was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
