How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
