he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
