looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
