How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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