im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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