On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
