Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
