Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
