If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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