I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
