It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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