After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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