Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am full of burrito and curiosity
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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