Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
