someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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