Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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