1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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