I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
