So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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