We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
