So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
