ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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