when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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