we're blogging at a bar
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
