New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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