I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
