I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
