You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
