Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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